Never say “Always”, except … Ephesians 4

Hi. 

When arguing, people like to say, ‘You always … make me out to be the bad guy’, or ‘you always say mean things …’  And the psychotherapist alarm rings and corrects with the voice of reason, ‘Do not use the word ‘always’ because it is not true and only incites.’  Similarly, the other absolute word of ‘never’ just is not usually true – ‘you never listen to me,’ and ‘you never say a kind word to me.’  Both words--always and never just cause trouble in interpersonal communication.

That is until we consider the truths of Paul’s instruction on living out the love of the gospel we profess.  We can use both words in light of the truths from Ephesians chapter four. 

         Be humble and gentle

         Be patient with each other,                   Making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love.          Be led along together by the Holy Spirit.      Be at peace with one another.¹  Lovingly follow the truth at all times          speaking truly, living truly     Become more and more like Christ²

Your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better.  You must be a new and different person, holy and good.³              Stop lying to each other; tell the truth.

If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge.  Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly.⁴   If anyone is stealing he must stop it and begin using those hands of his for honest work so he can give to others in need.

Don’t use bad language.  Say only what is good and helpful to those you are talking to, and what will give them a blessing.⁵  Don’t cause the Holy Spirit sorrow by the way you live.

Stop being mean,                                                                                             Stop being bad-tempered     Stop being angry.                                                                                            Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives.

Be kind to each other                Be tenderhearted toward one another                                         Be forgiving of one another, just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ.⁶

Did you notice the ‘absolute’ nature of how our behavior ought be shaped by what is characterized in this amazing chapter?  ‘By humility, for instance?  Is there ever a time when humility is not a quality that we should embody?  No. 

Rather, we can safely say that God would have his children always be humble, gentle, patient, and loving peacemakers, who follow after truth and only trade in truth.  Hmm, can I look at my life and see that I am becoming more like Christ—is that even a value of mine—to become more like Christ?  And, how about you?  Are your thoughts and attitudes changing for the better?  Never lie, hold a grudge, steal, use bad language, or be mean to others … how is that going for you?  Instead, you and I are always to be kind and tenderhearted to others and forgiving of all.

Note to self:  using extreme words like always and never often result in roadblocks in our harmony with one another, but this writing of Paul’s shows us that applying them to our own Christian character actually paves the way to harmony and intimacy with others.  That is because the heart of our God will always draw us to love, and to love well; and because after all,

   love is … patient, kind, forgiving, and always believes the best of others. 

Christine