If You Are Unequally Yoked…                           2 Corinthians 6.14

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers,” Paul warned.

‘Didn’t much apply to you when you got married because neither of you were too interested in God.  But then after your first child was born, you began some serious soul-searching, and well… you found God!  And now, guess what? You are unequally yoked.  Then, there’s the married couple next door who regularly went to church on Sunday and believed in God, but suddenly one or the other became very zealous in his faith—yep, unequally yoked.  (Remember, unequally yoked can be visualized as an ox and a donkey yoked together—quite unequal!) 

That is the case in my friend’s marriage; Mary and Harry were regular churchgoers, kinda’ rolled along in a spiritually-complacent way, but then….God did an unmistakable miracle in their lives, healing their little son.  It did not seem to change much for Harry, but for Mary, it changed everything!  She knew that they were recipients of God’s supernatural mercy, and though she was not certain why God had miraculously healed her child, it greatly increased her faith in him.  The God who did miracles in the book of Acts walked directly into her modern-day life….how could that leave her unaffected??

What did ‘increased faith’ look like for Mary?  She wanted to know the God of mercy more intimately, so she endeavored to walk with him more closely.  Mary shared her story with others, which helped to increase their faith.  She studied about miracles—particularly healing—and began to boldly step out and pray for miracles for others….. And, would you believe it?  She saw God move again and again, thereby increasing her passionate faith all the more!  But guess what?  The chasm grew wider between her husband of (what appeared to be) complacent faith and her wildfire-like faith.  While they hadn’t been before, they were now, unequally yoked.

Oh, I’ve heard the story over and over again—one mate loves God and wants to say, ‘as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!’ but the other mate is apathetic, or at least not nearly as zealous for the things of God.  It impacts lifestyle choices and raising the children; there is often tension, and at times, loneliness.  What to do? 

First, the greater onus is on Mary.  For one reason, she is the one that changed, not him.  Harry married her, expecting one woman—but she met God, and it radically changed her!  He didn’t move, she did.  So, “Mary” must learn to love her husband with abandon, all the while, in gentleness and submissiveness.   She must love him unconditionally.  This would also apply if Harry became the more zealous Christian as well—he should live and love his wife in a gentle, humble fashion, not lording himself over her, but loving her as Christ loved the church, not shoving his newfound faith down her throat, but gently leading.  Harry must pray for his not-yet-convinced wife faithfully; and he can pray in confidence, knowing that his prayer is in the will of God.

So often the more-spiritually convinced person feels that she is the one who is hurt by the seeming disinterest of her husband in the things of God.  But, guess what?  The hurt goes the other way, too.  One of my favorite authors, Lee Strobel, talked about how he felt when his wife Leslie became a Christian, years after they were married.  “With her values and character changing so significantly, I was concerned that the Leslie I once knew was going to gradually morph into a Leslie who I wouldn’t love as much.”  ‘I felt like there was another man in the house—this Jesus,’  Strobel wrote in Surviving A Spiritual Mismatch.

Though spiritual mismatches may be challenging, God is faithful--depend on him.  You can do all things through Christ, who gives you strength.  And remember--He alone is in the business of transformation . . . yours and your mate’s!

Christine